Friday, January 11, 2013

A sigh of relief

Psalm 143

New King James Version (NKJV)

An Earnest Appeal for Guidance and Deliverance

A Psalm of David.

Hear my prayer, O Lord,
Give ear to my supplications!
In Your faithfulness answer me,
And in Your righteousness.
2 Do not enter into judgment with Your servant,
For in Your sight no one living is righteous.
3 For the enemy has persecuted my soul;
He has crushed my life to the ground;
He has made me dwell in darkness,
Like those who have long been dead.
4 Therefore my spirit is overwhelmed within me;
My heart within me is distressed.
5 I remember the days of old;
I meditate on all Your works;
I muse on the work of Your hands.
6 I spread out my hands to You;
My soul longs for You like a thirsty land. Selah
7 Answer me speedily, O Lord;
My spirit fails!
Do not hide Your face from me,
Lest I be like those who go down into the pit.
8 Cause me to hear Your lovingkindness in the morning,
For in You do I trust;
Cause me to know the way in which I should walk,
For I lift up my soul to You.
9 Deliver me, O Lord, from my enemies;
In You I take shelter.
10 Teach me to do Your will,
For You are my God;
Your Spirit is good.
Lead me in the land of uprightness.
11 Revive me, O Lord, for Your name’s sake!
For Your righteousness’ sake bring my soul out of trouble.
12 In Your mercy cut off my enemies,
And destroy all those who afflict my soul;
For I am Your servant.
God, I know you are there....I can remember those bright, blessed, unmistakable moments when I saw and knew and felt your amazing presence in me and my circumstance.  I go back to those places and times and bathe in that close, tangible living warmth. 
But, today?  Today?  I am reaching out for you in silence....silence because my heart is so heavy and burdened and angry and discouraged that there is barely room for breath in me.

I am parched.  I can barely move through this day.  This week.  This life.  I am reaching, reaching, reaching for you.  Finally seeing my desperate, unending, life-giving need for You, my Savior.

Answer speedily.  I know that I won't wake up tomorrow and find all in order, all redeemed, all perfect.  But just to wake up in freedom, in joy, without feeling like I'm fighting for each single breath.  For each kind word I share.  For each pasted on smile to celebrate a victory in another's life.

I know what I need is a redeemed heart.  I need to know what I am to do - and the gift of humility to do it.  I need to know your will.  Your truth.  Your mercy. Because at the end of the day, I am YOUR servant.  Not my servant.  Or the world's.  Or even my children's.  But YOUR servant.

Revive me, O Lord, for your name's sake. 

No comments:

Post a Comment